I'm in the pit of despair. I'm all alone in this world, and I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Life is just sad for no reason. Sad... sadder... saddest. I'm just so sad. - No-- wait. I'm OK now. Life is cool!----------------------------------
I have to be honest with you guys. I think I've had a little bit of post-partum depression but it only occurred while I was pumping. It's the weirdest thing! As soon as the pump left skin contact, voila! I was back to my old, cheery self. The change in mood was so extreme, that I had no idea how to blog about it because I could not feel the depression if I wasn't pumping, and pumping and typing simultaneously is hard. Even now, I don't think I'm doing a good job at describing it.
Luckily, I have been able to overcome the depression by making pumping into a psychological, competitive sport. The Great Mother's Milk Race! How much can Shirley pump in this round? Can she pump more than the other mom's Lansinoh bags in the Mother's Room refrigerator? She did! Haha! Suckers!
Now I'm back in the mother's nursing room at work, and losing The Great Mother's Milk Race. I'm a loser who doesn't produce over 2 ounces at the pump (It used to be at least 4-5 oz). The mothers look at my Lansinoh bag and scoff. 'What a loser!' (OK - maybe that's just in my head) A new depression sweeps over me to realize that at 6 months Mateo has been transformed from a breast milk baby with supplemental formula, to a formula baby with supplemental breastmilk. :(
This can't happen. I really wanted to last longer this time around. Around 9-12 months was my goal. Not 6 months! I didn't overcome pump depression just to dry up due to a 9-day vacation to Cancun! So my new, immediate goal is to stimulate milk production back to a somewhat acceptable level (without breastfeeding because Mateo's teeth have come in - Ouch!). What does this mean?
- More frequent time at the pump (my boobs will NOT be hybrids)
- Stimulation by continued pumping even when there is no more milk
- Mother's Milk Tea (Hey! I'll give it a shot)
For now it's Other Mothers: 1, Shirley: 0 --- Shirley