Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Vloggin' Vednesdays (04/27) I can't draw!!!

Sorry, I can't draw!

Vednesday, April 27th "Notable blog post" - read and talk about a blog post that is special to you, could be yours or one of the blogs you lurk... no rules here at Adeline's Daddy Blog.

Vednesday, May 4th "Birthday Wishes" - In honor of Adeline's Daddy's Birthday (the dude, not the blog), Blow out the candles and talk about something you are hoping or wishing for in your life. And on May 5th, Remind me that I'm getting old.

Vednesday, May 11th "Pictures on video" - Show and tell time... show us some pictures, tell us a little about them.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

My two loves...

I've been so wrapped up in my own issues these past few days that I'd forgotten to take a moment and think about OTHER "people", like - Oh, I don't know, MY OWN SON and MY DOG.  This week that passed was Diego's 15 month check in and yesterday was Qori's birthday!

Diego's height and head circumference measured above the 90th percentile according to the doctor's stats.  I mean, I know he's going to be a candidate for the NBA, but now I've confirmed my other suspicion - "Boy got a big ol' head!!!!"  No wonder I ripped... was that just TMI?  Oh well, it's the truth, and you get nothin' but the truth here on Golden Dreemz.

The doctor started asking me about Diego's speech skillz.

"Does he say any words yet?" No.
"Does he understand when you tell him to do something?" Sort of
"If you were to ask him to go get his shoes, would he?"  No.

So she recommended that I buy the book, Good Night Moon, which I did in both English and Spanish (Buenas Noches Luna).  And we are scheduled to return in 6 weeks to see if there is any progress.  I feel like a mom whose been told on.  "She's not doing her job!  She's supposed to be reading to her son!  It's her fault that he's not talking yet."  Truthfully, I've tried.  He only cares about flipping the pages and touching different parts of the book.  It's only been a few days, but I've incorporated it into our routine and persevere even if he could care less to pay attention.  I just know that at some point before six weeks, when I say "Where's the mouse?" he will coherently and happily point to the little mouse on the page.

Yesterday was my little Qori's 6th birthday.  I gave him extra affection and table scraps that day, and we went for a nice hike over the weekend with the entire family.  I feel like I've been neglecting Qori especially since Diego has come into the picture.  A few days ago I had a nightmare that there was some type of bomb alert and I was on the top floor of a hotel with Qori and Diego.  In scrambling to get out of the hotel, I realized part way that I had left Qori behind.  The good news is that I went back to find him.  So that is what I'm doing now.  I'm going back to find my big lump of fur, because he's there in my heart; I just haven't been good at showing it lately.

Monday, April 25, 2011

The News

I am such a tease, it's like right before you're about to find out who's going home on American Idol and Seacrest cuts to a commercial brake.  Yes, I was purposely MIA from the computer over the weekend just as the story reached its pinnacle.  I don't think I touched the computer once.  I think I had successfully "Googled" myself out over the past few days, that I just needed a technology brake.

So here is the update from Friday's debaucle:  my bloodwork came back and the hCG levels had increased since my miscarriage back in March.  My last level was 2300, and as of last week I have reached 4000!  The nurse said the words I wanted to hear:

"It looks like this is a new pregnancy..."

After she uttered those words, I decided to take my technology break.  My thought was: if this was a new pregnancy then, one way or another, fate would determine its outcome.  No amount of Googling will change what fate has in store for me now.

Just a few hours ago, I snuck away from work on my lunch hour to have my first ultrasound.  This time it was much different than the last time that I sat in that chair.  The nurse was so forthcoming with information "on the spot"; she didn't make me wait in anticipated silence until she finished all her photos.  No - right away she said, "I see the sack and a small embryo, and I see a flicker of a heartbeat."  She showed it to me.... it was the cutest little fluttering smudge I've ever seen in my life!

Aside from the fact that I'm still spotting, everything looked good from what she could see.  She said the placement was nice and high, and my ovaries looked good.  Of course you must know me by now; I am extremely worried that I'm still spotting, but seeing that heartbeat today has given me a high which has flooded my senses with a temporary calmness.  I feel good today.

I've been placed at 5 weeks and 5 days today with a due date of December 21st.  A Christmas baby!

When I got back to work lunch was almost over, and it was almost time for my next meeting.  But realizing the new importance of my diet choices, I took a few minutes to order my lunch and chose brown rice instead of white rice and went with the choice of snap peas.  And that my friends, is the news. 

Friday, April 22, 2011

The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Wake

It was supposed to set me free of the hell that I've been putting myself through these past couple of weeks.  And at first glance, it was supposed to be a joyous occasion - something new to celebrate.  But because I've just been down this path only months ago, my torturous mind will not allow me to accept it.  The mind is a sadistic adversary.

I hopped onto to Google last night - why do I do this to myself?  I found that a false positive test after miscarriage can occur up to about a month after the miscarriage.  It's been 7 weeks for me, but it's still not unheard of.  So I still don't have an answer, but I do have possibilities:

  1. The miscarriage did not pass all the tissue.  I will need a D&C
  2. I had twins and only one miscarried (Not likely - I saw there was nothing in the sack in the picture)
  3. I am pregnant again....
Even if my ideal answer was chosen, that does not mean it will stick, especially because I didn't wait a full cycle. If you notice that I'm mentally torturing myself NOW, imagine what I'll be like for 9 months if I could make it that far!  I would live in constant fear each day.  I can see myself, yelling to the heavens, "Why didn't I wait a full cycle?!!!!!!"

So I went to the lab today to get a first set of blood work done, and I should have some type of update by tonight.  After the blood work, I took a picture of my boo boo wrapped in pink in the filthiest bathroom I've been in for awhile.  I'm serious folks, my shoes literally stuck to the floor (I know I tend to exaggerate, but this is totally true)!  I felt obliged to apply 2 toilet seat protectors on my seat.  As I pulled my pants up, one of my cellphones (yes I have two--how else would I find the first one if it went missing and I didn't have a second one to call it?) fell out of my back pocket and onto the floor.

"Noooooooo!" I screamed thinking of all the germs and floor adhesion.  I really needed to get out of there.  Getting out of there was the easy part; now getting away from my own thoughts will be impossible.

I need to stop this insanity, and stop writing these depression-inducing blog posts.  Thank goodness Easter is only days away!  I could use some furry bunnies, pastel flowers, and decorated eggs right about now.  In fact, dying eggs seems like the perfect creative outlet to keep my mind busy this weekend.  I guess I'm stopping at the store on my way home from work today.

    Thursday, April 21, 2011

    What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You

    Today marks the seventh week since my loss, and there are a few things weighing in the back of my mind that I am ignoring yet torturing myself over. These things have been growing so slowly over time, that I'm amazed I don't see them staring back at me in the mirror when I wake up every morning. I've been doing a great job of ignoring them. I think that's why I spent so much time this week working on vlogs and reading my camera's User Manual; so I wouldn't have to think about reality.

    The main thing on my mind is a question that over 7 week's time has morphed from "When will I get my first period?" to "How long does it take to get my first period after such an awful experience" to "Why haven't I gotten my period yet?" to "Could I be pregnant?" Many sadistic hours on Google have followed.

    Rewind 2 days ago where I began to - I wouldn't even call it "spot", it's lighter and more of a "stain" than a spot. The change in physical status stung a little, and after I got over the initial disappointment, I began with new questions: "Does this count as my period?" and now since the staining has not developed into anything stronger: "Is there any chance I still could possibly be pregnant?"

    Any "normal" person reading this would probably be thinking "Why hasn't she just peed on the stick already?" I read so many mom-blogs where peeing on the stick goes hand in hand with brushing your teeth in the morning.

    And here's the answer, I think I have a complex. I call it the "What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You-complex" and I know it's bogus because it's doing damage to me as we speak. Because I NEED to know - you know? Yet because it's psychological, it all makes sense to the mind.

    After years of TTC and experiencing blow after blow when peeing on the stick, I'm just not mentally prepared to do it anymore. It's something that now requires build up. I have to think about peeing on the stick for 1-2 weeks before I actually get the nerve to do it. I think in between those 1-2 weeks, I am actually procrastinating because I know that my period must come between that time. And for some reason in my complicated mind, seeing Flo is less hurtful than seeing a big, fat "NO".

    But 7 weeks is a long time, and the time has come to do what needs to be done. I must find out, even if it that means it will hurt me...

    Wednesday, April 20, 2011

    iPad iNception....

    OK, I know it's already mid-week, and I'm just posting my weekend recap now, but let's pretend I was more punctual in nature, shall we? The most important thing is that Mokee came home on Saturday as healthy as could be.  Ironically, his after-care plan consists of giving him more medications for the next week.  We're making sure to keep this new medication somewhere labrador-proof this time.  I didn't want to ask what could happen if he swallowed this new bottle.

    We spent Saturday at my mother's house after getting Mokee released from the vet.  The doctor said to hold off on any exercise until Monday, so we were confined to the house.  I leveraged this as a childcare opportunity and brought all my video equipment to record a fun vloggin' vednesday video while my mother entertained watched Diego.  I'm really having too much fun with those vlogs.

    Sunday was family day, and my husband took us all to Malibu to play games.  Diego was lovin' the arcade area.  Here is a picture of his favorite, the race car of course!  No quarters needed for Diego to be entertained.  He's a cheap date, and a natural with the stick shift!

    We also stopped at an Apple store where I played on the iPad2 a bit.  I really want one, but only because of the "cool" factor.  But then it hit me, like the movie "Inception", a tiny thought was planted in my mind and has been growing since.  I'm possibly going to get one of those cool-a$$ tablets for my hubby on Father's day!  I think this would GET HIM OFF MY DAMN LAPTOP he would really appreciate and use the iPad.  Especially since he mostly just reads online International news.  [PS.  I chose the iPad image because the background happened to be of Peru :)]

    What are you planning to get your baby-daddies for Father's day?  Ideas welcome!

    Vloggin' Vednesday (4/20): The Matrix

    Once again Buzz Lightyear makes an appearance in one of my vlogs!

    So what have we learned about Shirley now?
    • She's a bigger nerd than first assumed
    • She's a bad actress!
    • She's got too much extra time now that her sister's wedding is over
    • She's watched the matrix movie one too many times
    • She likes red peanut M&Ms
    • She shouldn't have bought her first house
     And what have we learned about Shirley then?
    • She had lighter hair
    • She was going to University
    • She was dating her future husband
    • She really loved her dog Bingo....RIP
    And what have we learned about Diego?
    • He'll eat anything
    • Given the choice in life, he chooses the blue pill...
    I'm tempted to dye my hair again after doing this vlog!  Please vote on which color is best in the comments!  I might do it for the summer!

    Friday, April 15, 2011

    Ruin a Honeymoon: Mix Chocolate with Meds

    Within the past couple of days, I was actually forced to act like an adult and make important decisions.  Me.  I KNOW, right!

    They say that bad things come in waves of 3, and that saying still has yet to be discredited by my own life experiences.  (By the way, an itchy palm TOTALLY means that you are going to run into some money!!!) 

    One by one, family elders (grandmas on both my maternal and paternal sides) ended up needing hospitalization.  My grandma in Peru has a bad knee and high blood pressure.  Her leg suddenly became swollen and my other family in Peru said it turned "black".  My family tends to exaggerate a little (NOW you know where I get it from!)  I won't believe the degree of shading until I see it in pictures or I speak with a doctor.

    My other grandma who lives here in the US ended up in the ER because of severe back pains and a swollen stomach.  The doctor said she pulled a muscle.  I think she probably pulled it dancing at my sister's wedding.

    So when was the final (third) wave due?  I was on pins and needles.  Then I got a call on Thursday while at work from my mother.  I answered the phone and immediately sensed the dismay in her voice.

    ME: "What happened?"

    MOTHER: "I just got home and saw that Mokee (sister's chocolate labrador) has eaten all of his arthritis medication.  He had to get it from the table.  It could have been 10 tablets!"

    ME: "Calm down, let me call the vet."

    I called the vet, and they told me to bring him in so they could induce him to vomit.

    It turned out that the vomit produced no tablets.  The doctor then began to describe the plan for Mokee, which included having him hooked up to an IV for 48 hours, giving him charcoal for absorbtion, medication to coat his intestines, and bloodwork.  He would need to stay at the hospital until Saturday.  I looked at the bottom of the estimate sheet:  $1000!!!!!!!!

    My mother was dog-sitting Mokee because my sister was off on her honeymoon in Bora Bora doing this:

    Meanwhile, my sis had no idea about the drama that was unfolding at home. 

    Eventhough I knew what my sister would do in this scenario - I'm a Libra, and I can't make easy decisions for the life of me.  I tried calling Mokee's insurance but they wouldn't tell me anything because I wasn't authorized.  I didn't even know if his insurance was still active.  Mokee was perfectly fine, but the doc said that he could go into kidney failure in 1-2 days and needed this treatment.

    I obviously admitted the little chocolate lab, and he went bounding away to the back of the hospital (he actually loves the vet because of all the attention he gets!) To this point, all the doctor's updates have been positive.  I finally got into contact with my sister, and managed to ruin their honeymoon.  Leave it to me.  They come back on Monday.

    Why oh why must the little chocolate lab be so incapable of restraining himself from things that he KNOWS he should NOT eat.....sigh.

    Thursday, April 14, 2011

    Mrs. Shirley's Better Photo Class

    While reading through the gazillion mom blogs that I sub to in Google Reader, I stumbled upon an informative post from It's a Good Life blog.  She directed her readers to another blogger My 3 Boybarians who has a series called "31 Days to a Better Photo".

    It peaked my interest since I recently purchased my first DSLR, and know not a THING about photography! Well sort of, my sister is a photographer so I remember something about aperture being very important and using a low f-stop in low lighting.  My DSLR was originally a purchase intended for recording HD video primarily with great photos as an added bonus.   

    But now since I shelled out so much dough to buy this camera, I want to start using it like it should be used.  So after reading only the first day of the 31 day series, I decided to use this series as guidance but change the days to weeks instead.  I figured if I want to be serious, I really need to focus for more than one day on a specific topic.  I even plan to give myself homework for that week (I'm such a nerd!).  I will post my homeworks and you all can give me a progress report! 

    So in between my breaks at work today and after cooking dinner and after the baby decides to take a nap tonight, I will use any spare time to cozy up for my first week lesson:  "Find Your Camera Manual!"  (and may I add, that I'm the type who usually DOES read instructions - not like my hubby or sis who learn by blindly pressing buttons or guessing where a screw goes!.

    Also, prior to buying my DSLR I found this YouTube Channel- Canon Australia (Why of course you know I love to watch videos - why not DSLR tutorials?) which I thought was also very informative.  Plus the narrator is pretty easy on the eyes!  If you don't own a Canon, there is still tons of useful info in the video tutorials.

    Here's the intro video

    Wednesday, April 13, 2011

    Wordless Wednesday 4/13: Irresistable

    Vloggin' Vednesday (4/13): Musica!

    Vloggin' Vednesdays

    Vednesday, April 6th "Significant others" - tell us about 'em, or show 'em, whatever you like (could be husband, wife, pet, friend...)

    Vednesday, April 13th "Let's Talk Music" - It can be playing music, listening to music, anything you want to talk about music related.

    Vednesday, April 20th "10 years ago" - We pretty much know what you are like now, what were you like 10 years ago?

    Tuesday, April 12, 2011

    Little Drummer Boy

    Diego's aunty gave him a new electric drum kit (you can IMAGINE my glee) for being an awesome ring bearer in her wedding. Honestly, I thought he was going to ruin the wedding by screaming and running against the aisle. LOL!

    But he did so well and deserved his drums. Watch him as he somehow already knows how to rock! It's amazing how instinctively he bobs his head to the beat. So cute. He looks like a little DJ at his turntable.

    That beat is driving me crazy now. It'll be all quiet in the house and suddenly he turns on his drum, and BAM! He sure does love his drums.

    Thursday, April 7, 2011


    Hi all,

    I wanted to share a very special video of my sister's wedding. The video editing is so inspirational; it makes me want to get off my butt and go edit something NOW! :)

    Can you see me? I'm the blurry face in the background. :)~ Oh - and those are my hands wrapping the gift. OPI- Linkin Park after Dark nail polish. LOL! Diego is also in this video for only just a second. Blink and you'll miss it.

    We didn't want to take all the attention away from the bride. Hahaha!

    What do you think of the video? Nice huh?

    William + Stephanie | Recap from Shiksa Studio on Vimeo.

    Wednesday, April 6, 2011

    A Photo Booth is Worth 4000 Words?

    I couldn't resist. The home-made photo booth was too much fun at my sister's wedding! And if you're wondering, there were WAY more than this. I just didn't get them all yet, otherwise I would've posted THEM ALL! Muahahahahaha!

    Vloggin' Vednesdays (04/06/2011)

    About your significant other. This is how I see my husband through my eyes. He is THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD. I got this idea because:

    1. My husband really bowls overhand LOL!
    2. He has a latin accent
    3. He is so interesting!

    Stay thirsty my friends!

    Vloggin' Vednesdays

    Vednesday, April 6th "Significant others" - tell us about 'em, or show 'em, whatever you like (could be husband, wife, pet, friend...)

    Vednesday, April 13th "Let's Talk Music" - It can be playing music, listening to music, anything you want to talk about music related.

    Vednesday, April 20th "10 years ago" - We pretty much know what you are like now, what were you like 10 years ago?

    Tuesday, April 5, 2011

    Trembling to say I LOVE YOU

    This past weekend was FINALLY my sister's wedding! It seems odd now to know that I'll have some weekends free again. No more bachelorette parties, bridal showers, program-making sessions, dress shopping and fittings, tailoring, food tasting, cake testing, etc. I'm so glad I only have ONE sister.

    Even more so because I feel like I messed up my toast. I don't really know what happened. My delivery was pretty good vocally if you just closed your eyes. But my hands were shaking (not even just trembling) like crazy while I spoke. I had no control whatsoever. I really feel that I should have memorized the speech so I didn't need to hold the paper, but there just wasn't enough time for me to do that.

    The good news is that against all my concerns, Diego walked down the aisle like a perfect little angel. He was led by Lucy (his fiance). At first he had a confused face as he began walking down the aisle. Then as they got closer to the guests and Diego started focusing on individual faces, he started SMILING! It was hit or miss: he would either smile or freak out and ruin the wedding. My boy did good! Who would've known that all this time, I should've been more concerned over my OWN DAMN SELF!

    My sister thinks of and executes everything to a T. After the ceremony, she gave each one of the bridesmaids a unique and special gift with a thoughtful letter printed on beautiful card stock. My letter was very sentimental and real (something that we NEVER show outright to each other). In the letter, she attributed that behavior to our father, but she still typed heavy words in the letter, "I LOVE YOU".

    As all the bridesmaids began thanking my sister and giving her a hug, I knew I had a decision to make in the next few seconds. Do I say, "I love you too" back to my sister out loud or do I just thank her for the beautiful Coach necklace? I was torn between what I knew I SHOULD do vs. my genetic makeup. But as the seconds ticked on, I gave my sister a big hug and said, "Thank you. I love you too. And I'm like Daddy too." Then she said, "Maybe one day we'll get better at this."
    And I responded, "Maybe not!" and we both just laughed.

    Since I was a part of the wedding ceremony, I couldn't snap too many "good" pictures so those will probably be available in a few weeks. But just trust me that the wedding was perfection. We danced the night away until the dance floor was empty. Diego was a dance machine!