It was supposed to set me free of the hell that I've been putting myself through these past couple of weeks. And at first glance, it was supposed to be a joyous occasion - something new to celebrate. But because I've just been down this path only months ago, my torturous mind will not allow me to accept it. The mind is a sadistic adversary.
I hopped onto to Google last night - why do I do this to myself? I found that a false positive test after miscarriage can occur up to about a month after the miscarriage. It's been 7 weeks for me, but it's still not unheard of. So I still don't have an answer, but I do have possibilities:
- The miscarriage did not pass all the tissue. I will need a D&C
- I had twins and only one miscarried (Not likely - I saw there was nothing in the sack in the picture)
- I am pregnant again....
So I went to the lab today to get a first set of blood work done, and I should have some type of update by tonight. After the blood work, I took a picture of my boo boo wrapped in pink in the filthiest bathroom I've been in for awhile. I'm serious folks, my shoes literally stuck to the floor (I know I tend to exaggerate, but this is totally true)! I felt obliged to apply 2 toilet seat protectors on my seat. As I pulled my pants up, one of my cellphones (yes I have two--how else would I find the first one if it went missing and I didn't have a second one to call it?) fell out of my back pocket and onto the floor.
"Noooooooo!" I screamed thinking of all the germs and floor adhesion. I really needed to get out of there. Getting out of there was the easy part; now getting away from my own thoughts will be impossible.
I need to stop this insanity, and stop writing these depression-inducing blog posts. Thank goodness Easter is only days away! I could use some furry bunnies, pastel flowers, and decorated eggs right about now. In fact, dying eggs seems like the perfect creative outlet to keep my mind busy this weekend. I guess I'm stopping at the store on my way home from work today.