Thursday, June 16, 2011

Self-Mutilation



I've never been really good around needles, and it blows that I'm required to prick myself 4 times a day now.  I tried my best to weasel my way out of pricking my finger during my discussion with the nutritionist at Sweet Success.  No luck there.

She did say, however, that I would need to come back in a week and if the numbers are good, we could possibly do less daily pricking and then take the blood test for sugar levels later on as the pregnancy develops.  I'd rather take a tube of blood than to prick myself on purpose 4 times a day!

I sat there, listening to her teach me about nutrition.  I honestly felt very dumb at times.  I've never been one who had to watch my weight, so I never cared to learn the details about nutrition and diet.  I mean, I know the high level idea of what's good and what's bad for the body, and I spent a lot of time shopping in supermarkets at the perimeter of the grounds:  Produce, Dairy, Bakery, Butcher etc.  I wasn't one to buy processed foods in the middle aisles. 

And now my recent decisions in nutritional values in life lead me here, in this seat with a woman who - Thank God! - had a colorful picture guide of what I should and shouldn't be eating.  For the most part, the diet was doable in my mind, and looking in at the portion sizes, might actually be more than what I was used to eating.

I raised my concerns:  Is there an increased chance that I will become diabetic after the pregnancy?

"Statistics show that 60% of women with gestational diabetes develop diabetes 5-10 years later.  But you do not have the body type for diabetes.  As long as you maintain a healthy diet and exercise, you should be good."

Then she pulled out the meter and began showing me how to use it.  "First you take the cap off..."  -Oh God!  Does this mean she's going to put me on the spot to prick my finger in front of her.  "Then you insert the lancet and twist of the little top..." Jesus!  Is that the needle?!!!!  I don't even like the word 'lancet' it sounds like the Spanish word for 'launch' and there's no way I'm launching that thing into my skin!  "Then you engage it and insert the strip into the meter" -Help me, we're getting close to the end!  "Then you adjust the number for the lancet, people are usually comfortable at the number 2 setting"  -You mean I choose my own pain level?  How mean is that?!!!  "Then you place it to your finger and press the button" - and then there were crickets and silence as I stood there with my free finger on the trigger and no volition to actually press it.  I apologized and explained my history with needles.  She was understanding, but I still felt the pressure of something that I had no choice but to do.  After a few hesitant seconds and uncomfortable body gestures, I finally pressed the button. 



All I can say is that although it didn't hurt too much and I didn't faint, I still don't like it.  She sent me on my way with what she jokingly called a "designer bag" filled with supplies for my new, unaccepted recreational activity. 

It's now been a couple of days since I've been self-mutilating and let me tell you:  I still hate it!  There have been times when the meter doesn't get enough blood for the reading and I prick myself 4 times alone for the first prick of the day!  It's gotten so bad that I've had to increase the number to a "4" from a "2".  Can you believe this?  I choose my pain, and I had to choose to increase it.

Gestational diabetes blows...

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